addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
