the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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