why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
My pussy is not your playground.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
