I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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