he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
