Please, let me fuck your mom
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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