she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
