i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Randomize
