Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You took a bar mat shot.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
