I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Found the puke drawer
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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