Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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