he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
The beer is more important than you right now.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
