i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
When did angry sex become our thing?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
