I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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