and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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