I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
