Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
