You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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