Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
