once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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