$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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