RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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