I cannot find my penis.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
