sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
