I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
