So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
