the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
