that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
