forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
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