you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
