I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
