I think I am morally bankrupt
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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