The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
