She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
