Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
