Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
