Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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