Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
