and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
