Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
