I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Semen is not good for contacts.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
