Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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