well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
