textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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