6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
