Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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