how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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