I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
