Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
