Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
