The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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