it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
