I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
