Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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