I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
